Junk Money 101

My mother's been in banking for well over two decades. If you ask my dear Mom what gives her and her co-workers grief on the teller lines among the list of pet peeves will come the term "junk money".

What is junk money? Two dollar bills, Susan B. Anthony coins, the new Lincoln dollar coin, Kennedy half-dollars, and any other odd currency that enters circulation and then seems to disappear. For my mom and her colleagues, this so-called "junk money" is vilified because it's a pain in the ass to count and keep track of, most armored truck services won't take it (unless you have a certain amount of a denomination), and it generally just devalues the hell out of our currency.

(Photo: I forget what this woman's name is but THE BANKS ARE SICK OF THESE COINS AND THE PEOPLE THAT CASH THEM IN.)

Most of you have heard of the term "junk drawer". Well, this is where the phrase came from. At most banks and credit unions there are literally junk drawers that sit out on the teller line full of bullshit money that no one wants. It's kept track of in their systems, but most of the time (unless, again, it's in a certain amount of the denominations) it can't be vaulted and subsequently taken away by the armored truck carriers. And it just sits there. For a very, very, long time.

So why do I ask for small amounts of junk money when I make a withdrawal at the bank? So I can get rid of it once and for all. When I go to the BMV and pay for my plate renewal, or I'm on the turnpike and pass through a tollbooth, or, God forbid, I ever have to pay a small fine at the courthouse (been lucky so far), I'm going to do it in junk money.

That way all the CRAP money that's collected via revenue eventually ends up in a place where it never sees the light of of day again - the State Treasurer's Office or the fucking Federal Reserve.

One more caveat about junk money: businesses don't want it either. If you're at a restaurant and your server takes your bill, then brings you back change in junk money, it's their way of telling you they don't want you back, either. It means you didn't tip the last time you were there or you were just plain rude. And it also means they probably spit in your food too.

A "penny for your thoughts" for the New Year. Have a good one everybody. Make it one of your resolutions to treat your bank tellers right by generally being a polite customer, but by also keeping your junk money at home.